Becoming an EBT Facilitator Part II: Setting the Stage
In week two of the Eat Breathe Thrive series, "Set the stage," we identify the underlying factors that have influenced our relationship with our bodies and self to build a more self-compassionate and loving relationship with ourselves. Similarly, the next step of my recovery story set the stage for transforming my self-care skills, strengthening my resilience, cultivating a community, and ultimately becoming an EBT facilitator.
Before the pandemic, I had a fairly consistent and manageable routine. I enjoyed teaching yoga consistently at a studio close to home, my kids were older and well established in their school and extracurricular routines, and I was able to enjoy downtime with friends. My mother had relocated to Cleveland several years prior. I had the chance to rebuild a positive relationship with her and enjoyed watching my children get to know her as a loving grandmother who could make the most amazing Christmas cookies. Sadly, in July 2019, my mother was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer after visiting the ER for what we thought was pneumonia. Still, while I was caring for my ailing mother, I was grateful to have systems in place to keep us all managing as well as possible. We had access to top-notch treatment for her that kept my mom comfortable for as long as possible, and a support system of family, friends, and neighbors that helped with meals, carpooling, and chores when I couldn’t tend to them myself. I felt sure of my coping mechanisms and the support systems I needed to be a capable caregiver to my mother and children.
But then, like for so many, spring 2020 upended all that I had come to rely on. All at once, I found myself without a job, without physical access to my mother (who was living in a nursing home), without structured schooling for my four children at home, and without any in-person social support or interaction. Quickly, I lost any sense of bearing or direction.
Historically, when feeling unmoored, I would resort to maladaptive measures to reinstate some sense of order or control in my life. As a youngster dealing with my parents’ divorce, this came in the form of binge eating to fill a void; as a teen dealing with my mother’s abandonment, it came in the form of severely limiting my food intake, resulting in anorexia nervosa. As an adult, I continued to struggle with a pull toward controlling my diet and intake to “be healthy” and fit in, especially (and ironically) as a yoga teacher.
Thankfully, by the pandemic, I had established better coping strategies to deal with the disruption in my routine. Yet having my world and role in it so significantly uprooted, I was thrown a little off course. I could sense the urge to slip back into disordered eating gnawing at my thoughts. I can recall making an online grocery order and being overwhelmed by the choices and the amount of food we were now consuming as a family of six, eating at home for every meal. As I’d mindlessly scroll through social media, I’d uncomfortably chuckle at the online memes about gaining the “Covid 19” and then wonder if I should go find a scale to compare my weight to what it had been before the lockdown.
But as these thoughts got louder, so did my resolve to continue to check in with how I was really feeling, below the surface and away from the distractions. I recognized that I needed to feel grounded and reconnected to my community. The best way I knew how to do this was to find a way to teach and practice yoga.
Through email, social media channels, and Zoom, I expanded how and with whom I practiced yoga. I carved out time and space to explore more restorative yoga practices and programs that spoke to the science behind how yoga works. This shift in how I practiced inevitably changed how I taught and connected to students. I began to build a community of steadfast practitioners near and far. It was amazing how easily we could connect through modern technology to move and breathe together. Feeling more grounded, I could take a more realistic assessment of the daily actions that improved my overall well-being and those that took away from my peace of mind.
While I appreciated how accessible teaching and learning became, there was a lot of noise on my social media feeds that created a feeling of loneliness and lack. I learned how to curate my social media to include accounts that I felt were uplifting and hopeful. I began following Eat Breathe Thrive at this time. Conversely, I unfollowed accounts that I found discouraging and negative. I accepted that social media and the internet were necessary channels to remain connected to my community. Yet, I made conscious choices about who to follow and how to best use these mediums for positive impact.
As I was building my online presence, my mom’s health declined, and I could only watch from the window. There is no worse feeling of helplessness than watching a loved one cry for help while you’re powerless. I struggled to reconcile being her advocate while having no real recourse for getting her assistance due to a lack of staffing and strict Covid protocols. I found connection and community by writing our story and sharing it through social media platforms. Again, the outpouring of support proved the power of connection in encouragement and handwritten notes and greeting cards sent to my mom, which the nursing home staff used to decorate her room. These simple examples of human connection brought so much joy to my mom in her waning days.
We lost her to cancer in July 2020, exactly one year after her diagnosis. Again, my world was upended. Again, I was faced with how to cope with loss. While a struggle, I moved away from the inclination to numb through consumption (of food or otherwise) and toward the community I had come to rely on over the past few months. Again, I found myself welcomed, supported, and sustained.
Six months after my mom’s passing, the world started opening up in very real ways. I found myself contemplating teaching yoga in person for the first time in nine months. Before 2020, I can honestly say that my teaching had become routine. While I loved teaching yoga, I lost my teaching identity to a studio culture that, in hindsight, seemed counterproductive to my values. Stepping back from studio teaching allowed me to clarify my "why" for teaching. As a teacher, I intend to create a yoga experience accessible to all body shapes, sizes, and abilities for students to feel grounded, capable, and aware. I promised myself that I would only bring thoughtful offerings and experiences to the local community so that students could focus on their overall well-being rather than feed the need to burn calories, sweat it out, or monitor their intake to participate in the practice.
“As a teacher, I intend to create a yoga experience accessible to all body shapes, sizes, and abilities for students to feel grounded, capable, and aware. ”
Yoga is a brilliant mechanism for mental, physical, and spiritual strength and resilience. A few months after re-establishing my studio teaching schedule, I felt the benefits of the interpersonal connection of teaching in real life. To share themes and concepts for my studio classes, I continued to use social media to connect to my community. I enjoyed creating graphics, writing content, and sharing ideas with students near and far. That confidence led me to apply for the request for an Eat Breathe Thrive Social Media Volunteer I had seen during a scroll through Instagram. While not being formally educated in social media or marketing, the past 18 months forced my hand into engaging with an online community. I am proud of the organic growth and learning I experienced during the pandemic. Again, determined to channel my energy into more meaningful work, I recognized the opportunity as a chance to give back to an organization that had been so instrumental to me in my ED recovery. I considered the position, talked to my husband about the commitment, ensured I had the time and support to give, and submitted my application.
Immediately I was wildly impressed with the work ethic and dedication of a few determined women to make a real impact in the lives of people across the globe struggling with eating disorders. This small, supportive group of individuals—spread across the world—is an example of the power generated when working toward a common goal. My ideas were heard and valued. I was treated as an equal from the beginning of my tenure with EBT. This support continued to build my confidence as a volunteer and a contributor to the EBT community and mission.
In my experience with volunteer work, it never fails that while you are helping others, you are inevitably helping yourself. Working with a cohesive team that acknowledged and valued my contributions fueled my self-assurance and wellness in so many ways. Then, I was offered the chance to participate in a three-day Eat Breathe Thrive Online Immersion. I struggled with outwardly wanting to participate in the immersion because the voice in my head told me I didn’t have enough experience or courage to be an EBT facilitator. Yet, the proof of my contribution, work, and intention quieted my doubt. Eager to accept, I was met with resounding support and encouragement.
The Online Immersion is a robust experience condensing much of the seven-week Eat Breathe Thrive program into three days. Again, I was amazed at the reach of the program. Participating with me were students from Europe, Canada, and the United States. We built relationships through online activities, breakout sessions, movement, and mindfulness exercises. We held each other accountable for completing the work and contributing to the learning despite our varied backgrounds and locations. It was artful how quickly we became a tight-knit community in so short a time. At the program's conclusion, I had even more tools and experiences I could incorporate immediately into my everyday life.
After this program, I was offered the chance to become an EBT facilitator. Could I take all I had learned about myself over the past 18 months and use that experience to support my intention of bringing yoga to people of all shapes, ages, and sizes and help them feel “at home” in their skin? Could I use the training and skills offered by Eat Breathe Thrive and expand that intention to include students on their own eating disorder recovery journey? I had a choice to make. I could remain behind the scenes and do good work, or put myself out in the local community and do good work. I confirmed I had support and the tools, and I knew I had the desire to show up authentically in my role as a teacher. I trusted the process and submitted my application.
By early October, I was one step closer to becoming an EBT facilitator and one leap further away from my disordered eating. I had support from my EBT Learning Coach and access to content and tools to gain a deeper understanding of the Eat Breathe Thrive curriculum. At this point in my healing journey, I had the perspective to recognize all that had brought me to this place—the loss, the resilience, and the circumstances that led me to Eat Breathe Thrive. That insight, combined with the want to show up in service to others with stories like mine and the intention to share practical tools and experiences with them, led me to overcome my self-doubt and fear. I continued to trust the process as we laid the groundwork for establishing Eat Breathe Thrive’s first chapter in Cleveland, Ohio.
With sleeves rolled up, the good work begins.
About The Author
Daneen Farrall received her 200-hour certification in May 2014, and began teaching athletes at local CrossFit gyms and serving the community through St. John Westshore Hospital in the western suburbs of Cleveland. She also began consistently teaching 5-7 studio classes per week, crafting workshops, special classes and continued her work with athletes from high school through professional levels. During the Pandemic Pause, Daneen started crafting content and experiences on he own, including developing CE curriculum that can be scaled for various learning settings and teaching styles. She is inspired to work with teachers, studios, and students of any level of experience and interest. She is passionate about yoga as a tool for use in recovery from eating disorders and recently added being an Eat Breathe Thrive facilitator to her roster of offerings.
Click here to find out about Daneen’s upcoming Eat Breathe Thrive events.